Becoming.

Slowly she exhales.

In the last several weeks she has experienced loss, heartbreak, death, rejections, fear, and rebirth. Not all from the same source. From many. Too many.

Rejection has brought her sadness, yet gratitude.

Reflection has brought her shame, yet strength.

Rebirth has been painful, yet enlightening.

She laughed at her friend the other day who told her, "You're a warrior!" ... but only because she was sick of always fighting wars. Was she that difficult to love?

---

Rejection

Every man in her life from the day she caught her first breath has rejected her.

Her heart, her soul, her love, intentions, laughter, and true self. Either not enough or too much. Never the balance. In the end they blame her ... always her ... and she accepts it. Even the one man who her life is meant to be shared with no longer accepts or wants her. Is she honestly that terrible? Is there a side or truth to her that she hides from herself? Does she see herself thru blurred eyes?

Reflection

Her father never loved her. He never accepted her. Never truly wanted to know her. That has set a very unfortunate strand of standard for others. You see, she never fully accepts 'love' as she should. It's always a doubt. It's always laced with a parasitic air of conditions that she questions and tests. In the end, this is how she lost him. No, not her father ... she lost him the minute she came into this world ... but him ... the one she loves. Mixed with a toxic mess of his own insecurities, she buried herself. She burned out. Unable to navigate truth from fear, she ultimately was unable to secure his trust, faith, and unconditional love. She lost him. She lost herself.

Rebirth

What does one do when left holding the pieces of their own broken spirit? Given the options and statistics, the outcome is grime ... but she knows better. Her demons whisper the answer, but she denies them. No, her demise will not be at the hands of those who have torn the flesh from her heart ... her end will not come as a result of emotional pain ... she is and will be stronger than that. Understanding her own shortcomings and struggles, she thrives on learning, exploring, and discovering new ways to survive. Will those who have rejected her see the transformation and embrace every one of her new beginnings ... no. Will they embrace her and celebrate the accomplishment ... no. They don't have to, but she will.

---

Note to self:

I'm proud of you.

I'm proud of you for not giving up on yourself even when it feels like your world has done so.

I'm proud of you for not believing the hate or rejections forced upon you day in and day out.

You do not have to be perfect.

Let me repeat that: You do not have to be perfect.

Be you.

Be the girl who loves without conditions. Be the woman who thrives on transformation and faces the world each day with courage to make mistakes and learn from them accordingly. Be open to new possibilities, people, and ideas. Be happy with your change and accept rejection as a vehicle for others to leave when their place in your life is not right. Be healthy minded about your reflections and embrace them as opportunities to experience growth. Be accepting of your rebirth each and every day as you accept your past and welcome a future of unknown love, new beginnings, and opportunities to thrive.